Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
