You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
