so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
