Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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