You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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