yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
