I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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