Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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