when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
