I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
