1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
