you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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