So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
