too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
