Small penises have feelings too.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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