I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
