i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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