in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
