No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
