Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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