my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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