aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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