Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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