When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
