Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
