sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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