So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
