my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
