bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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