Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
