Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
