No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
