peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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