those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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