he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Randomize
