they need to just BURY HIM!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
