Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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