is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
