Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
bring money and cleavage
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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