oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
