hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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