There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
