i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
