I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
