i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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