that's an acceptable place to lick
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
