so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
