Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
