Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
