Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just threw up on my dentist
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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