we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
3 2 1 whiskey
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
