Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
