the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
